Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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