So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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