You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
how does that bad decision feel?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
