i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
