So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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