how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
