Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize