My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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