all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
