i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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