Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If I had your ass I would rule the world
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
