32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
