I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
