It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
zippers are such a cool invention
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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