My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
