Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
