Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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