I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
