Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
