dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
