Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
