What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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