I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
