I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
