I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
