i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
