We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
