I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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