Plan B is the new Plan A
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
