Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
