I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
