yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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