Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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