yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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