my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
