big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
