I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize