smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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