if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
