If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
