I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
