How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
