She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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