Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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