The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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