wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
