Taylor Swift is so right about you.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
