im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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