wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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