I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
