Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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