whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
