Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
