end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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