my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
