I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
