mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
