She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
