I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
