we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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