I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
