All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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