you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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