just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
