You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize