At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
