We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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