I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
