No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
