I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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