I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
