oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
