hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
