I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
