You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
