mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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