i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
